Failing At Being Female #1: What's an Apron???

So you may be asking, "What is this? Failing at Being Female??" Yes, dear readers. I have decided to start a series of posts describing all of the ways I fail at being what is the stereotype for what women should do/act/like. As most of my friends and family know, I have no problem picking on myself. And many people always point out the fact that even though I dress like a girly girl and I love shopping, I sure as heck don't act like one. If I could count the times someones asked me, "Are you sure you're a woman??" my dad would cry in shame.

So, off to my first post of ultimate female failage: Cooking.
I don't cook. Plain and simple. I hate being in the kitchen for more than 10 minutes. Why? I have no patience whatsoever to make a meal. This is why if there isn't lunch or dinner already made by my lovely mother in the fridge, I will either a) heat up the good ol' mac n' cheese from the freezer (Don't you love my healthy choices?) or b) starve myself. Don't worry guys, I'm just kidding about the latter, I like eating way too much.

I have never cared at all about learning how to cook. And the few attempts I've made at cooking or baking something have ended up in catastrophes and lowering my ego to being practically nonexistent. Do you know anyone that failed at making instant pudding? Well if you don't, now you do. Hi there!

Mmmmmm, filet mignon.

I just have No. Patience. At. All. I don't even make myself breakfast. Make myself a sandwich?! Psssh, I don't have time for that. I'll just grab this granola bar and eat it while I'm driving to work, all the while getting sticky granola crumbs all over my new slacks. Mmm, classy.

One day I guess I'll have to learn how to cook. Unless I want my kids to grow up eating Chinese takeout and McDonald's every day. I'll tell you one thing, I'll be the coolest mom on the block. But I would also spawn hate from every mother in the PTA meetings (Ew, what am I talking about? I'd never go to one of those things). So one day I guess I'll go about learning how to make an omelette or an apple pie...or maybe just learn how to boil some rice, since I can't do that either. I just hope my husband or children don't expect some Martha Stewart feast, because if that's the case, then we're making a trip to Olive Garden.